A Burden To My Children

I’ve thought long and hard about it. I’ve decided that I want to be a burden on my children when I get old and feeble. When I get to the point that I’m having trouble caring for myself, either physically or financially, I want to move in with one of the kids. I’m assuming, of course, that Karen will be too old or feeble to help me out, so she would have to move in also. It would be our version of Grandpa and Grandma Walton. I always thought that scenario was great. Grandpa and Grandma moving in with ma and pa and lots of kids. Very cool.

Many of my friends say that they would not want to be a burden on their children. That’s a selfless sentiment with noble motives. I’m sure they will be happy playing cards at the retirement village and waiting for the next Elvis impersonator to roll into the cafeteria. However, I prefer to be a burden.

I know you may be thinking that I am being selfish, but I’m actually thinking of my kids and grandkids. My presence in the lives of my descendants would teach them patience, tolerance, compassion, sacrifice, frugality and perseverance. So, I would actually be doing them a big favor by building their character.

What if my kids couldn’t afford to keep me in their home? I really don’t care. I couldn’t afford them either. And what about the things they would have to do to take care of me? Do we really need to go there? I remember several precious moments involving little ones throwing food on the floor, spitting up on my suit and the diaper stories are too graphic to detail. I’ll let them put me in a facility only if they are not physically able to care for my medical needs. Other than that, I plan to create some stress and turmoil in their lives. It should be great fun.

I’ve already shared this with my children. They love me and are fighting over who gets to house me in that time of sharing. I’m not sure yet who I would most like to live with. I’d like to see them enter into a bidding war. Menu selections? Cable television? Walk-in private shower? Allowance? If I live to experience this wonderful time, I plan to milk it for all it’s worth – all to build my offspring’s character. At this time, I don’t know who I will give the honor of caring for me in their home, but I do expect all of my children to care for me. Even those who might live far away should be sending large monthly checks to supplement my meager Social Security check.

Since I am already losing my hearing I figure I can have some great fun with that particular disability. Sometimes I will hear them. Other times I won’t. “Speak louder so Grandpa can hear you.” I want a bunch of little children yelling how much they love me. Is that selfish? Not at all. I’ll still roll on the ground and play with them, and then they can build their strength by helping me back into my wheelchair.

My kids were a great burden – a burden that gave me the greatest joys in life. Yes, I will return the blessing.