Listen to Gretchen

A few moments in the life of three sisters – Sue, Lou and Gretchen

Sue: What do you want to do?
Lou: I don’t know.
Gretchen: Let’s watch a movie.
Sue: Do you want to play dress-up?
Lou: That sounds like fun.
Sue: Let’s act like we’re princesses in an ancient castle.
Lou: Yeah! And we’re waiting for a handsome prince to rescue us from the evil knight!
Gretchen: Wanna watch a movie?
Lou: We need some veils and headbands!
Sue: Go get some of mom’s high heels.
Lou: Okay.

Lou runs to their mother’s bedroom and returns with two pairs of shoes.

Gretchen: What movie do you want to watch?
Sue: I’ll wear the pink dress and you wear the blue one.
Lou: Here are some white gloves.
Gretchen: We haven’t seen The Wizard of Oz for a long time.
Sue: We can’t be princesses without some makeup.
Lou: Oh, let me have some of that lipstick.
Sue: You should put on some extra eyeliner.
Lou: I’m sooooo pretty! Look at me, I’m a princess!
Sue: Marvelous, we are most beautiful. Where is our prince?
Gretchen: I’m hungry. Want something to eat?
Lou: Sue, you pretend that you’re crying because you miss our father, the good King Arthur.
Sue: Boo hoo. I miss my father, the good King Arthur.
Gretchen: How about some pudding?
Lou: Don’t worry Princess Sue, I know some shining knight will save us.
Sue: Boo hoo boo hoo. But I miss our father, the good King Arthur.
Gretchen: I can poke myself in the eye. Look!
Lou: Please don’t cry, everything will be all right as soon as the handsome knight saves us.
Sue: How do we know he is handsome?
Lou: Look out the castle window. He is down there hiding in a bush.
Gretchen: I bet if you tried to put a potato in your ear it would hurt.
Sue: Oh, I see him. He is handsome.
Lou: And he will be my husband.
Sue: Your husband? Why not my husband?
Lou: Because I’m the oldest. You get to marry his younger brother, the other handsome prince.
Gretchen: Watch me run my head into the wall.
Sue: But we must first talk to our father, the good King Arthur, before we marry.
Lou: This is true. But we must first be rescued from the evil knight.
Gretchen: My head hurts.
Sue: Let’s go to the window and lower a rope so the prince can save us from this awful place.
Lou: There is no rope, we must tie these linens together.
Gretchen: I can sing. Want to hear me sing the theme from Brady Bunch?
Sue: Secure the linen rope to the closet and lower it out the window.
Lou: Done! Yoo hoo, good prince, we are ready to be rescued.
Gretchen: “Here’s the story of a lovely lady. . ..”
Sue: Princess Lou, he is climbing up the tower of the castle.
Lou: It won’t be long now.
Gretchen: “. . .the youngest one in curls.”
Sue: Here prince, come into our window and take us home.
Lou: Oh, no! The evil knight has entered with his sword.
Sue: Hurry prince, the knight is going to cut the linen rope!
Gretchen: Cindy Brady was a dork.
Lou: Jump on the knight while I pull the prince in the window.
Sue: Go away you mean knight. Wait until my father, the good King Arthur gets you. You will regret all of this stuff.
Lou: Prince it is so good to see you. You must fight the evil knight for our honor.
Gretchen: Polka dot dresses make me look fat.
Sue: They are fighting. They are fighting!
Lou: They are clashing their swords together and it’s really scary. I hope we get saved.
Gretchen: I think I just tooted.
Sue: Oh. The prince just ran his sword through the evil knight.
Lou: Oh no. The evil knight just ran his sword through the prince.
Sue: They’re both dead.
Gretchen: Look I’m dead.
Lou: Someone is knocking on the castle door.
Sue: Who could it be?
Lou: It sounds like the knock of our father.
Sue: You mean our father, the good King Arthur?
Gretchen: I’m alive now, no need to cry.
Lou: Father! We are so happy to see you.
Sue: We love you good King Arthur.
Gretchen: When I’m not near the boy I love, I love the boy I’m near!
Lou: I’m bored. Let’s play something else.
Sue: I’m bored too, what do you want to do?
Lou: I don’t know, what do you want to do?
Sue: Want to play with Gretchen?
Gretchen: Hey, want to play with me?
Lou: I don’t know. How about riding our bikes?
Sue: That sounds like fun.
Lou: Mom, told us we needed to walk the dog.
Sue: Let’s take Champ on a leash while we ride our bikes.
Lou: Good idea.
Gretchen: I wonder what dog meat tastes like?
Sue: Gretchen! How dare you talk about Champ like that?!
Lou: You are one sick girl, Gretchen!
Gretchen: It tastes like chicken.

A Burden To My Children

I’ve thought long and hard about it. I’ve decided that I want to be a burden on my children when I get old and feeble. When I get to the point that I’m having trouble caring for myself, either physically or financially, I want to move in with one of the kids. I’m assuming, of course, that Karen will be too old or feeble to help me out, so she would have to move in also. It would be our version of Grandpa and Grandma Walton. I always thought that scenario was great. Grandpa and Grandma moving in with ma and pa and lots of kids. Very cool.

Many of my friends say that they would not want to be a burden on their children. That’s a selfless sentiment with noble motives. I’m sure they will be happy playing cards at the retirement village and waiting for the next Elvis impersonator to roll into the cafeteria. However, I prefer to be a burden.

I know you may be thinking that I am being selfish, but I’m actually thinking of my kids and grandkids. My presence in the lives of my descendants would teach them patience, tolerance, compassion, sacrifice, frugality and perseverance. So, I would actually be doing them a big favor by building their character.

What if my kids couldn’t afford to keep me in their home? I really don’t care. I couldn’t afford them either. And what about the things they would have to do to take care of me? Do we really need to go there? I remember several precious moments involving little ones throwing food on the floor, spitting up on my suit and the diaper stories are too graphic to detail. I’ll let them put me in a facility only if they are not physically able to care for my medical needs. Other than that, I plan to create some stress and turmoil in their lives. It should be great fun.

I’ve already shared this with my children. They love me and are fighting over who gets to house me in that time of sharing. I’m not sure yet who I would most like to live with. I’d like to see them enter into a bidding war. Menu selections? Cable television? Walk-in private shower? Allowance? If I live to experience this wonderful time, I plan to milk it for all it’s worth – all to build my offspring’s character. At this time, I don’t know who I will give the honor of caring for me in their home, but I do expect all of my children to care for me. Even those who might live far away should be sending large monthly checks to supplement my meager Social Security check.

Since I am already losing my hearing I figure I can have some great fun with that particular disability. Sometimes I will hear them. Other times I won’t. “Speak louder so Grandpa can hear you.” I want a bunch of little children yelling how much they love me. Is that selfish? Not at all. I’ll still roll on the ground and play with them, and then they can build their strength by helping me back into my wheelchair.

My kids were a great burden – a burden that gave me the greatest joys in life. Yes, I will return the blessing.