The Hole Discussion

A discussion between Pat, Matt and Rutherford

Pat: Good day, Matt!

Matt: Same to you, Pat!

Pat: Where’s Rutherford?

Matt: He’s still in the hole.

Pat: Hope he gets out soon.

Matt: I don’t think so. He’s way down there.

Pat: He must be getting lonely.

Matt: Yep, he’s been down there for a couple of years now.

Pat: Maybe we should visit him.

Matt: Why not? He’s right over there behind the tree.

Pat: Do you think he’d mind the company?

Matt: I’m sure he would love to chat.

Pat and Matt walk over to the tree and look down into a large deep hole in the ground.

Pat: Hey, Rutherford, it’s Pat and Matt. Are you down there?

Rutherford: Help! I’ve fallen in a hole.

Matt: How are you doing?

Rutherford: Please get me a rope!

Pat: It looks kind of dark down there.

Rutherford: Of course it’s dark. Please get some help.

Matt: Are you comfortable?

Rutherford: No. Help me out of this hole.

Pat: It doesn’t sound like Rutherford enjoys being down there.

Matt: Well, he’s the one who fell in the hole.

Pat: Yep, it’s not like someone pushed him in.

Rutherford: Guys! Please help me out of here! I’ve been down here for a very long time.

Matt: About two years isn’t it Rutherford?

Rutherford: I’ve lost track of time.

Pat: Still eating roots and grubs down there?

Rutherford: What else is there?

Matt: Well, you could try ordering a pizza.

Rutherford: I don’t have a phone. Help!

Pat: I think Rutherford wants us to bring him a pizza.

Matt: Yes, after two years I’d be tired of roots also.

Rutherford: Will you run to my house and tell my Mom and Dad that I’m down here?

Pat: We did. They want to know if you need a blanket.

Matt: Your Dad said your room needs straightening.

Rutherford: How can I straighten my room when I’m in this hole.

Pat: Hey, man, don’t drag us into it. Take it up with your Dad!

Matt: No kidding! We come to visit you and you want us to get in a fight with your father.

Rutherford: Is there a rope up there?

Pat: Sure. There’s a big one right here by the tree.

Rutherford: Please lower it into the hole.

Matt: But it’s tied to one of the limbs of the tree.

Rutherford: Then untie it.

Pat: But the other end is tied to the tire swing.

Rutherford: So what!?! Untie it and help me out of this hole.

Matt: I swing on that tire.

Pat: So do I.

Matt: Pat, why would Rutherford fall in the hole and want out of the hole?

Pat: Beats me. He can’t seem to make up his mind. Should we ask him?

Matt: Okay.

Pat: Hey, Rutherford, why did you fall in the hole if you want out of the hole?

Rutherford: I didn’t fall in the hole! Pat pushed me in the hole.

Matt: Pat, did you push Rutherford in the hole?

Pat: You expect me to remember what happened two years ago?

Matt: I guess not. That would be pretty hard.

Rutherford: Pat, you were swinging on the tire and swung into me, knocking me into the hole.

Pat: So, why don’t you just make me feel guilty.

Matt: You’re pretty rude, man. Pat and I came all the way across the yard to visit with you and all you can do is bring up junk that happened two years ago!

Pat: Yeah! Why did we even come over if you’re just going to complain and make us feel bad?

Rutherford: Please, just tell my Mom I need her to come to the hole.

Matt: I guess we could do that.

Pat: Why don’t you run over and tell Rutherford’s Mom he wants her.

Matt runs across the yard and knocks on the door of Rutherford’s home. His mother comes to the door and the two talk for a while. Matt returns to the hole.

Matt: Pat, do you want to have some pizza?

Pat: Sure.

Matt: Rutherford’s Mom is ordering some and said since she doesn’t have to feed Rutherford anymore there’s a little extra.

Rutherford: What?!? Did you tell my Mom I need her?

Matt: Of course I did.

Pat: Man, he must think you are really irresponsible.

Matt: He asks me to do something. I do it and all he does is challenge my integrity.

Pat: Let’s just go back and play in Rutherford’s sandbox.

Rutherford: What did my Mom say?!

Matt: She said she was on the phone and couldn’t come right now.

Rutherford: What is possibly more important than helping her own son?

Matt: She was ordering pizza.

Rutherford: You’ve got to be joking!

Matt: It’s true. Would you like for me to tell you a joke?

Rutherford: No! I want out of this hole.

Pat: I’d like for you to tell me a joke.

Matt: Okay. What do you get when a boy falls in a hole?

Pat: I give up.

Matt: A holy boy.

Rutherford: That’s not funny. Get me out of here.

Pat: Oh, now he’s ordering us around like we’re his slave or something.

Rutherford: Get me out of here right now!

Matt: Whoa! Now that’s really out of line.

Pat: Let’s see if Rutherford’s Mom will let us play with his cars while we eat the pizza.

Matt: Hey, Rutherford, can we play with your cars?

Rutherford: Please help me out of this hole.

Pat: Why do you want out of the hole?

Rutherford: It’s cold and dark. I’m hungry. It’s dirty and worms crawl on me when I try to sleep.

Matt: Well, welcome to the real world!

Pat: Hey, Rutherford can we play with your cars?

Rutherford: NO!

Matt: Fine. Be selfish.

Rutherford: I’ll tell you what. If you help me out of this hole I’ll share my cars with you.

Pat: If we help him out we can play with his cars.

Matt: Okay.

Matt and Pat take down the rope from the swing and lower it into the hole. Rutherford climbs out of the hole.

Rutherford: I hate you guys! I’ve been down there for two years and you guys have done absolutely nothing to help me. Only when I agree to let you play with my cars do you help me. Get out of my yard. I don’t want to ever see you guys again.

Pat pushes Rutherford back in the hole.

Pat: I hope that didn’t hurt.

Matt: As long as he didn’t fall on his head, he should be okay.

Pat: Can we play with your cars?

The Dogs

A Discussion between Rover, Spot, Champ and FleaBait. Rover is a golden retriever, Spot is a beagle, Champ is a Great Dane, and FleaBait is a bulldog.

(The scene opens with Rover digging in his back yard as his friend Spot approaches.)

Spot: Whatcha doin’ Wovew?

Rover: Trying to find that bone.

Spot: Which one?

Rover: The one we took from Champ.

Spot: I think he don’t like you took it.

Rover: What makes you say that?

Spot: Champ says he’s gonna kill ya.

Rover: Oh.

Spot: He says he’s gonna weplace da bone we taked with yous bones. He was mad cos he says it’s hawd to pick haiw off a golden wetweivew.

Rover: Oh.

Spot: Champ says to me, “Wait till I see Wovew. I’m gonna kill him.”

Rover: Hey, Spot, you want to help me fill in this hole?

Spot: I think you gonna die.

Rover: Please be quiet and help me get this dirt back in the hole.

Spot: My momma says when you dead, you can’t bweathe.

Rover: I get the point. Hurry and help me.

Spot: You been dead befowe?

Rover: Of course not. . . (Rover is interrupted as Champ jumps over the back fence.)

Champ: Hello, boys. What’s going on?

Spot: Wover was just twying to find . . .

Rover: An old shoe that I buried. I know it’s back here somewhere. Are you hungry Champ? My master left some Alpo in my bowl. You can have it if you want it.

Champ: No, I sort of had my heart set on a bone.

Spot: Well, that’s just what Wovew. . .

Rover: I’m sure there are bones back here. My master is always throwing them out to me. There’s got to be hundreds of them back here.

Spot: Hey, Champ – you gonna kill Wovew?

Champ: Now, Spot, why would I want to kill Rover?

Spot: You told me you was gonna.

Champ: Oh! You mean because every dog in the neighborhood says Rover stole that beautiful bone from the hog roast at the farm?

Spot: Yea. You gonna eat Wovew?

Rover: Champ, I promise, I never stole your bone. Why would I steal your bone, I must have hundreds of them right here.

Champ: Well, everyone says that you and your friends were snooping around my dog house and the next thing I know – abbra cadabra – my bone disappears. You’re not suggested that Spot took my bone are you?

Spot: You gonna kill me, Champ? Let me close my eyes. Don’t bite my eaws – that would huwt. My momma pwobably gonna cwy. All da dogs gonna say, “Hey Spot’s momma, you doggy buwied behind Champ’s house.” Momma’ll say, “Gweat! I loved Spot. Now he dead.”

Champ: Please!!! Squirt I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to bury Rover behind my dog house.

Rover: Oh!!! Oh!!! Please, no, Champ! I swear I didn’t do it. I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t take your bone!

Champ: Really. Then who did?

Rover: It was . . . it was . . .

Champ: Spit it out, or you’ll be my main course this evening.

Rover: It was FleaBait!

Champ: FleaBait?

Spot: Oooooh, you lie Wovew.

Rover: FleaBait, Spot and I were over at your place and FleaBait stole your hog bone. I told him not too, but he wouldn’t listen.

Champ: Are you trying to tell me that a dimwit like FleaBait took my bone?

Rover: He sure did.

Spot: Wovew lying. FleaBait is a good fwiend, he didn’t take you bone. Wovew being a bad doggy. He was digging up you . . . (the three are interrupted when FleaBait waddles around the corner)

Champ: FleaBait, come over here.

FleaBait: Yup?

Spot: Champ gonna kill ya FleaBait.

FleaBait: I gots a bug in some pickle juice and I want to see when I watch it.

Spot: You momma love you FleaBait?

FleaBait: My momma it . . .it . . . it, my momma sings to the squirrels and it makes them sick.

Champ: FleaBait, did you steal my bone?

FleaBait: My bone didn’t fall down when was there. My nose itches.

Champ: Just answer the question.

FleaBait: Spot got a momma.

Spot: Wover gonna kill you FleaBait. But you didn’t do it. Tell him.

FleaBait: Yup. I get rumbly in my tummy. You see those human things can get in the tree.

Champ: This is ridiculous. Can any of you make out what he’s saying?

Spot: I can. He says that Wovew stole you bone and that you should kill Wovew.

Champ: That’s what he said?

Spot: Sowt of.

Rover: Why don’t we drop this whole thing and I’ll get you three big hog bones to make up for the one that’s missing.

Champ: Now, where’s the justice in that? I mean why should you have to give up three bones of your own, when you say FleaBait is the guilty dog?

Rover: I like FleaBait and don’t want to see you kill him.

Spot: I don’t think Fleabait would taste vewy good.

Champ: Don’t worry, I’m not killing FleaBait. He couldn’t tell his head from a bone in the ground.

Spot: So, you gonna kill Wovew?

Champ: What do you think I should do?

Spot: I think you should kill Wovew.

Rover: Hey!! I thought you were my friend.

Spot: I am.

Rover: So, why are you trying so hard to get me killed?

Spot: If you die, I could get the hundweds of bones buwied in you back yawd.

Rover: There aren’t hundreds of bones. . .

Champ: There aren’t?

Rover: I mean, I may have exaggerated just a little.

Spot: You bone in the hole behind Wovew.

Rover: Be quiet Spot!

Champ: You don’t say! Move aside. (Champ begins digging out the hole)

Rover: Great! Now I’m dead. Thanks a lot Spot. Might as well go lay down behind Champ’s dog house right now. It’s over. Kaput. It’s been nice knowing you FleaBait.

FleaBait: I gots da boogie.

Champ: Well, well, well! What have we here? It looks like my bone! Rover, it looks like you’ve been lying to me. Now I’m going to have to kill you.

Spot: Hey, FleaBait, Champs gonna kill Wovew.

FleaBait: Sit on hot road feels good. That was a stinky.

Rover: Please, Champ, no!

Champ: Say goodbye to Rover, boys.

FleaBait: When you shake you head it make you fall down.

Spot: Bye, Wovew.

(Champ begins attacking Rover. A big cloud of dust rises. A door opens on Rover’s master’s house as the master comes out.)

Master: Get out of our yard you big bully! (he throws a big bucket of cold water on Champ and Rover. Champ takes off running.) Geez! You can’t get any rest around here. (he goes back in the house)

Spot: You dead Wovew?

Rover: No, I’m not dead.

Spot: Good, you my best fwiend.

FleaBait: You ever stick your tail in a fan? I did. Look.

Rover: Guys, I need a break. I’m scared and tired and a little chewed up. Would you mind coming back later?

Spot: Hey, Champ left his bone.

Rover: Do me a favor and take it back to him. It’s not worth it.

Spot: Okay. Me and FleaBait will take it to him.

(Rover goes to the garage to rest)

Spot: I thought Wover would be dead. He just gotted wet.

FleaBait: Yup. My momma say if I eat lot of tootie rolls I get brown tooths.

Spot: Hey, want to eat this bone?

FleaBait: I gots a tootie roll in my eye.

Spot: No, Flea, it’s just you eyeball.

FleaBait: I gots a tootie roll in my eye.

Spot: Flea, you do have a tootsie woll in you eye. Here let me get it out. How’d that happen?

FleaBait: It look good.

Spot: It out.

FleaBait: Yup.

Spot: We not dead FleaBait.

FleaBait: Yup. It smell stinky in da car. Momma say don’t go in car, cause it make you flat.

Spot: Yea, you’d be killed.

FleaBait: Yup. You be killed. (FleaBait grabs Spot around the neck and begins to shake him.)

Spot: Stop! Stop! Help! Help!

FleaBait: I help you.

Spot: Why’d you do that!?!?

FleaBait: Yup.

The Super Club

We join some superheroes as they are called together to teach a new generation of superhero wanna-bes. Along with Superman, Batman, Robin, Aquaman, Green Lantern, and Wonder Woman we meet Grasshopperman, Oldster, Purple Annoyer, Homely Woman, Eyelid Avenger, and Ted.

Superman: Welcome to the first meeting of the Super Club. Batman, Robin, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and I are pleased to have you youngsters join . . .

Oldster: I’m not young.

Superman: Sorry. We are pleased to have all of you here as we turn over the reigns of crime-fighting to you. This training session will deal with the essentials of being a superhero. Please feel free to interrupt at any point if you have a question during our lectures.

Purple Annoyer: What makes you so super?

Superman: I am very strong, very fast, and have great vision and hearing.

Purple Annoyer: I’m strong and fast. And I can hear and see things.

Superman: You don’t understand. I am VERY strong and VERY fast. I can hear and see things that the normal person cannot . . .

Purple Annoyer: Big deal.

Superman: I think we should move on. What are your special skills?

Purple Annoyer: I’m purple and I annoy people to death.

Superman: You aren’t purple. You are just wearing a purple body suit with a plastic grapes wig. And anyone can be annoying.

Purple Annoyer: Not like I can.

Batman: Superman, I think we should move on with some worthwhile instruction. Don’t you agree ole chum?

Robin: Holy creepers, you’re right Batman.

Oldster: What did he say?

Purple Annoyer: Be glad you didn’t hear it. It was stupid.

Robin: Purple Annoyer, you should show some respect for these Super Friends. We have saved the world many times over from some of the most evil villains imaginable.

Purple Annoyer: Where do I bow down to your magnificence, mighty one?

Aquaman: Can I punch him?

Purple Annoyer: Oh, what are you going to do? Wet on me?

Superman: Enough of this! Let’s get an inventory of special tools, weapons or skills that each of you bring to the table. We can better teach you the ways of the superhero if we know what we have to work with. We already know about Purple Annoyer’s abilities, so let’s turn to Oldster.

Oldster: I’m not very strong, I’m not very fast. I can’t hear or see very good.

Superman: What can you do? What makes you think you should join the new breed of superhero?

Oldster: That’s right.

Superman: No. What can you do?

Oldster: I prefer cheese.

Superman: What?

Oldster: I can climb a tree.

Superman: What?

Oldster: But only if it’s little.

Superman: WHAT CAN YOU DO!?

Oldster: I already did, thank you.

Batman: I think we should go to our next student. Grasshopperman?

Purple Annoyer: That’s a goofy name.

Grasshopperman: I am Grasshopperman. Defender of virtue. Sovereign of all that is green and grassy. My chief adversary, the Grub Worm, shall meet justice at my hands.

Batman: There is no villain called Grub Worm.

Grasshopperman: I’m working on that.

Batman: The Grub Worm?

Grasshopperman: Don’t you have an enemy called EggHead?

Batman: Never mind.

Wonder Woman: What are your superhuman abilities?

Oldster: She’s pretty.

Wonder Woman: What’d he say?

Superman: He said you’re pretty.

Homely Woman: Thank you, nobody has ever said I was pretty before.

Superman: Why do you have that bag over your head?

Oldster: Why does that woman have a bag over her head?

Homely Woman: It protects the common man from my overpowering force.

Grasshopperman: I’m not finished.

Superman: Sorry, continue Grasshopperman.

Grasshopperman: I hop.

Superman: Over tall buildings?

Grasshopperman: Of course not. I hop at my enemies.

Superman: You hop at your enemies?

Grasshopperman: I hop them into submission. And if I energize my mega-hopper muscles, I can hop them to death.

Eyelid Avenger: Hey, hop for me.

Grasshopperman: No, it’s too dangerous.

Oldster: What?

Grasshopperman: I could not live with myself if my hopping caused injury to any of you.

Eyelid Avenger: I understand – same thing happens when I activate my hyper-blink.

Batman: We’ll get to you in a moment. Okay, let’s move on to Homely Woman. What’s the secret behind your head bag?

Homely Woman: I am so homely that if you look upon my image you will be immobilized.

Purple Annoyer: Give me a break!

Homely Woman: You asked for it! (pulls off bag)

Purple Annoyer: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! Put it back on! Put it back on!

Superman: Ghastly!

Batman: Gadzooks!

Robin: Holy schmoley!

Green Lantern: Whoa!

Oldster: She’s pretty.

Homely Woman: (putting bag back on head) I told you.

Wonder Woman: That is powerful. I’ve got an invisible lasso.

Homely Woman: I’m ugly.

Wonder Woman: I’ve got an invisible plane.

Homely Woman: I’ve got a hideous face.

Superman: Ladies! Please, this is not a contest.

Wonder Woman: I have big black hair.

Homely Woman: I have one big black hair.

Aquaman: Can we move along. I’m getting a little dry.

Purple Annoyer: Oh, is little WaterMan going to cry?

Aquaman: I’m Aquaman. And I don’t cry.

Purple Annoyer: Boo hoo! I’m WaterMan and I’m crying like a little WaterBaby. Boo hoo.

Aquaman: I’m going to punch him!

Superman: No, Aquaman. That’s what he wants. It will only make him more annoying.

Purple Annoyer: Hi, I’m Superman and I’m taking up for WaterBaby. I’m PooperDooperMan. Look at my big muscles. I can hear a gnat sneeze a million miles away. I can see through clothing.

Wonder Woman: You told me it didn’t work like that!

Superman: Well, you see . . .

Purple Annoyer: I’m Superman – you know, the guy that can’t handle a few green glowing rocks from Krypton. I wish I could be like the Purple Annoyer, he’s a real man, a real superhero . . .
(Superman punches Purple Annoyer, sending him flying through the sky into another time zone.)

Aquaman: Thank you.

Batman: Now that we can all think clearly again, tell us about your special talents, Eyelid Avenger.

Eyelid Avenger: I have two sets of eyelids and I can open and close them rapidly.

Green Lantern: It looks like you just drew an extra set of eyelids on your eyelids with a magic marker.

Eyelid Avenger: But when I blink, my enemies will never know! Watch! (he quickly opens and closes his eyelids) Amazing, isn’t it!?

Green Lantern: (sarcastically) I’ve never seen anything like it before.

Robin: I can do that.

Eyelid Avenger: Be careful. I have practiced for years to get just the right rhythm and timing to match the high speed of my hyper-blink.

Robin: Watch, it’s nothing. (Robin starts blinking rapidly) OWWWW!!! Ouch, ouch ouch!!! How do I stop? Stop my eyelids!

Eyelid Avenger: I warned him.

Batman: Here little fella, let me help. (Batman drop-kicks Robin in the face) Better?

Robin: Holy cornea, Batman, thanks!

Eyelid Avenger: So, you see, when a super villain approaches me I will threaten him with my hyper-blink.

Green Lantern: What’s the point?

Eyelid Avenger: The point is that they will react just like Robin did. Some will laugh, some will be confused, but in the end they will all say, “that’s nothing special, watch me do it” and that’s when I’ve got them! By the way, Green Lantern, what’s so special about you?

Green Lantern: I think it’s someone else’s turn.

Wonder Woman: How about Ted?

Ted: Hello, I’m Ted.

Oldster: I’m not stupid. You’re not dead.

Ted: I can make lazer beams shoot from my eyes.

Oldster: Lima beans in his thighs?

Ted: I have elastic arms and legs that can stretch three miles in any direction.

Oldster: Plastic ham and eggs?

Ted: I can read minds.

Oldster: What?

Wonder Woman: What am I thinking?

Ted: You wish you could be like Homely Woman.

Wonder Woman: I do not!

Ted: You asked me what you were thinking. And you know it is the truth.

Robin: You can’t shoot lasers from your eyes.
(Ted shoots lasers from his eyes and disintegrates Robin)

Batman: Oh, no! Little chum! You’ve zapped my partner.

Ted: Sorry.

Superman: Okay, you truly do have some marvelous super powers. But you need a nice superhero name to go with your powers. How about something like MegaMan, Laser, Master Stretch, or Awesome Knight!

Ted: I sort of like Ted.

Aquaman: How about Terrific Ted?

Ted: Ted’s fine.

Oldster: What?

Grasshopperman: Did I tell you that I can hop people to death?

Homely Woman: Look at me. (takes bag off head)

Superman: Ohhh! That’s plain awful.

Green Lantern: Hideous! Please stop.

Eyelid Avenger: I’ve got all four eyelids closed.

Wonder Woman: Do you use makeup for that look?

Homely Woman: Nope, it’s all natural. (putting bag back on head)

Superman: I think we need to take a break. Everyone take about five minutes to go to the bathroom, get a drink of water or stretch your legs.

Ted: Do you want me to stretch them now?

Superman: On second thought don’t stretch your legs, just get up a take a break.

Oldster: I’m old.

Grasshopperman: Can I hop to the bathroom?

Superman: Just don’t hurt anybody on the way.

Eyelid Avenger: Can I bring a friend to our next meeting? He’s the Mashed Potato Menace. He can squirt mashed vegetables from his mouth at an amazing velocity.

Superman: I’d rather he stayed home. Okay, everybody back in five minutes.

Oldster: I can chew raw carrots with my gums.

My Best Man

When I was making plans for my wedding over 26 years ago, I asked my best friend to be my best man. I was pretty disappointed when I learned that he could not be in town on the day we had picked for our wedding. I struggled to think of someone to "fill in" as my best man, someone who could take up the slack and step in. Then it struck me. Why not ask my dad?
It was unconventional. I didn't even know if he would think it too unusual to go along with it. When I asked him, he seemed touched by the invitation and jumped in. He filled the gap.

I did not honor my dad much while he was living. I loved him and told him often. So, I have no regrets like many men who never shared their love with their father. However, I never really honored him as I should have. My dad was no saint. It's a club to which I also belong. Dad struggled with tobacco and gambling. I have my own struggles. He did not follow God for much of his life, but he always served his family. Days before his death he fully turned his life over to God by accepting Jesus Christ as his savior. Through the difficulty of his final days, I found unearthly peace in that knowledge.

Each year I learn more about my dad. It's not that people tell me stories I hadn't heard or that I find pages of a journal long undiscovered. I learn more about him by the occasional revelation that my dad was a great man. Again, I loved him and respected him, but it can take time, even years, to realize the greater things.

My dad was a tough disciplinarian. He was not afraid to use a belt and I saw the leather many times as I grew up. I now know that it was all deserved and it was an amazing investment in my life. My dad had a great sense of humor. He made our home a place of laughter. He was not afraid to make himself the clown to get a laugh, smile or even a "gee, dad, you are really embarrassing me" look. He loved dealing with telemarketers on the phone. One time a carpet cleaning salesman called. Dad, in one of his more creative moments replied, "Can your rug cleaner get out blood?" "Yes," replied the salesman. "Great, I've got a big blood stain here from where the body was."

Dad was a provider. We never went hungry, even when he lost jobs or hit very hard times. With a wife and five children at home, we always had what we needed. The food may have been generic brands and the clothes from Goodwill or hand-downs, but we never had a need. Dad was a hard worker. Actually, he was one of the hardest workers I've ever met in my life. He taught me about work ethic by his example. Dad was a great counselor. Although he never went to college, he was very wise and always seemed to know the right thing to say at the right time.

My dad was merciful and just. The times that I really saw him angry usually involved an injustice. He would often tell me that one of the things that ticked him off the most was seeing someone less fortunate being mistreated. Whether it was someone with a disability, physical or mental; or someone with less education being demeaned, dad was not one to laugh or remain silent when others were being harmed. He was ready to forgive when others wronged him, but you never wanted to mess with his family.

Dad was a great protector. One time a known child molester was walking down the alley behind our house. I had three little sisters and a little brother. Without much fuss, dad walked out to the man and said, "If I see you anywhere near here again, I'll kill you." We never saw the man again. My father was an honest man. And he expected honesty from his family. That doesn't mean, however, that he was beyond telling some tall tales. But the funny thing about it is we all knew when he was going down exaggeration road. And he knew we knew it.

Dad was genuine. What you saw, is what you got. No airs. No acting. No pretense. Dad was a good friend. His friends knew they could count on him. His word was his bond. If someone needed help, he was there.

Looking back, I know how blessed I was to have William Arthur Smith as my father. The problems we see in others during our youth will fade if we only mature enough to see the full picture. I do not want my memory to airbrush away the blemishes, however, I do want to remember the things I forgot and to have the things I overlooked revealed to me.

I have much to learn from the legacy left to me by my dad. I miss him on this Father's Day.

When I asked him to stand next to me at my wedding I thought he was filling in - that he was the substitute for the friend who would have been there. Now I know that he filled in so many ways in my life. I now realize that he wasn't a substitute, but the real thing. He truly was my best man and he still is.

I Don't Want Any Plastics!

Like many families, the Smiths sit down each Christmas season and watch the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. By now we are able to recite most of the lines from the movie by memory.

It’s what I call an “anchor” movie – one that reminds you not to drift away from the important things in life. Many men can relate to George Bailey’s desire to shake off the dirt of this crummy old place and seek great adventure. After all, we cannot be stifled by the old “Building and Loan” of our lives. We have dreams. We must pursue the desires of our heart.

“Now you listen to me! I don't want any plastics! I don't want any ground floors, and I don't want to get married — ever — to anyone! You understand that? I want to do what I want to do.”

And no sooner than George blurts out the desire of his heart, he gives in to that siren call of Mary Hatch and wrecks on the rocks of commitment, unfulfilling work, and family stress. He evolves from a dreamer of adventure and achievement to a settled life of discontent. As one child after another is born into the Bailey household the pressures mount and his dreams fade. The spark in his eye is gone.

I used to have dreams. They are now dead.

Don’t get me wrong. I have lead an amazing life and am thankful for every opportunity I’ve been granted. I have been in the presence of presidents and kings. I have traveled to foreign lands where I have been treated to great hospitality. I have rubbed elbows with celebrities, business leaders and the wealthy. I have fought battles for great causes and know the taste of victory and defeat. It has been a good and rewarding life. But there is often the temptation to focus on what we have not done and do not have instead of the blessings. It is the curse of discontentment.

I used to have dreams. They are now dead.

I can relate to the elation of George lassoing a stork. I’ve lassoed a stork five times. My children have provided me with a stew of joy, pain, inconvenience and fulfillment. When we added the third child to our brood, Karen and I had to switch from man-to-man defense to a zone defense. It wasn’t easy. They were noisy, messy and difficult to control.

We also endured the regular comments from friends with fewer or no children. We made choices which ensured that our lives would be full of inconvenience, uncertainty and chaos. Four of our five children are now adults. So far they show no signs of lasting damage, despite God putting them in the care of two totally unprepared parents. Actually, other than their weird behavior and strange social skills, they function adequately. I’ll take that as a success story.

They can also be a pain in the neck. When I was 21 years old I knew I wanted children, but I did not bargain for the ongoing struggles. One man with younger children asked me recently, “When do you stop parenting?” I’m sure he was looking for any words of encouragement that someday in the future he would be relieved of duty. I told him that the choice was up to him. Many fathers never start parenting. Others stop parenting long before their children are ready to lead a rudderless life. I told him that I personally had decided to never stop parenting my children. Although my parenting will go through stages, I never plan to disengage. Even when my children form their own families, I’ll be there to annoy them with unwanted advice and counsel. It is my destiny.

Speaking of destiny, you’ve got to wonder if Alfalfa was disappointed that his acting career descended to the point that Zuzu had a larger role in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. But I digress.

Harry Bailey had fame. Henry Potter had fortune. Yet, George Bailey became the “richest” man in town. I’ve been into genealogy for the past few years. I enjoy studying my ancestors and the legacy they have passed along. It’s an interesting list of saints and scoundrels. I’ve visited more than a few cemeteries in my search for answers. One thing is clear: the engraved words on their tombstones eventually fade into nothing. The lesson of George Bailey’s visit to the cemetery is penetrating - an individual’s impact on the lives of others wins out over words etched in stone. Our legacy to our children and grandchildren should not be measured in dollars, degrees and deeds.

Sometimes it is hard to focus on the bigger things in life when you are changing diapers, cutting coupons and trying to keep your car on the road. Families with lots of kids can seem to live on the ragged edge. There is often disorder. They are regularly late and often seem frazzled. Who would want that kind of life? You call that a happy family? Why did they have to have all those kids? Those stinking kids have a way of messing with your life don’t they?

I used to have dreams. They are now dead.
But, let me share the rest of the story. I have new dreams. I have better dreams. The desires of my heart have changed. I am still not the husband or father that I should be, but I have no doubts about my desire to get there.

“It’s a Wonderful Life” is cheesy and sentimental. As the whole town, sans Potter, crowds into George and Mary’s home to dump dollar bills and coins onto the table, with Cousin Eustace furiously punching the calculator, we are tempted to think of the joy associated with having loyal friends who help us meet our needs. While that is certainly part of the message, I always find the greater joy from the moments before the display of generosity from family and friends. It is the moment that George “gets it” – the moment the lightbulb goes off in his foggy brain. It is the moment of clarity. The beauty comes when his least concern is the money, the jail cell or the tarnished reputation. It is when he pleads for God to return his life and family to him. It is the joy that enables him to run through the streets of Bedford Falls in uncontrolled joy – even with the knowledge that he is about to be arrested on false charges of embezzlement. For me, the joy is most evident when he runs into his home and is met by the sheriff, whom George greets with, “I bet you're here to arrest me, I'm going to jail, isn't it wonderful!” It’s when his children swarm him on the staircase as he smothers them with hugs and kisses - the furthest thing from his mind being gifts, money and iron bars.

In one evening George Bailey is transformed from a man who asks “You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?” to a man desperate for their embrace.

It has always been revealing to see the snow begin to fall when George stops appealing to Clarence the angel and prays for God to let him live again. As we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, our true anchor, my wish for my friends and family is that you will truly live again. That your old dreams are replaced with better dreams – even if the change brings pain and struggle. I pray that the desire of our hearts turns from self to others. May you see clearly. May you see that you really have a wonderful life.