Saturday, November 1, 2008

Spooky Standards


When I was a kid I loved Halloween. In high school our Campus Life (Youth for Christ) group sponsored "Scream in the Dark," an annual haunted house. I was a featured monster or ghoulish character every year. The first year I was Dr. Frankenstein and the second year I was a dying man at the end of a hangman’s noose. The third year I was Strobe Man. As Strobey, I wore a black and white striped uniform and had black and white striped makeup to match my black and white striped room. A strobe light flashed as I jumped around in the room scaring the wits out of young and old alike. It freaked them out because one second I was behind them and the next minute I was in their face. I was so good at being Strobey that the patrons voted me "Monster of the Year". Of course, when you excel at something people want you to do it again. So, in my senior year of high school I reprised the role of Strobe Man. One night a group of big college boys came into my strobe room. I sent such a fright into one of the guys that he yelled out, "Get him!!" Fortunately for me I knew a back way out.


When I was a young boy my dad worked the night shift. My mom loved to watch a local late night television program hosted by Sammy Terry, a ghoulish character who introduced scary B movies. Whenever mom would suddenly want company she would wake me up to join her for an evening of terror. But I thought it was cool. At seven years old I was protecting my mother.


Not participating in Halloween was never an option. We sent our first three kids out into Candy Night for a few years before we decided to stop worshipping Satan.


Did that comment make you feel bad? Then you must celebrate Halloween. Or, perhaps you don’t celebrate Halloween but you’re just really tolerant of those who do and think I was too judgmental to say such a thing. Ok, I really didn’t mean it.


Our family standard is pretty strict and pretty loose. We are so oppressive over the lives of our children that they sometimes they cannot breath. And there is no doubt that they have too much freedom and get to do way too much. I don’t want them watching a violent movie unless I like it. Undecipherable lyrics in a song? No way. Take off the headset. Well, maybe my parents didn’t understand the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody," but seriously, we all know they really didn’t try.


Some families have fun at Halloween. Some, like my family, have decided it’s not our cup of tea or toad’s brew in this case. Other families have decided that it’s not just bad, but an opportunity for ministry. That’s great. Although we don’t dress up and go out, we usually go to some harvest party, fall bonfire or human sacrifice of some sort. Not really. This Halloween I bought four bags of candy just in case we had some trick-or-treaters. But nobody came by. Drats. I have to eat four bags of candy. I think the neighbors have told their kids to stay away from "Old Man Smith’s house" cause he’s a wacky religious guy and he’ll hit you with his Bible if you ring his doorbell.


I think it would be fun one Halloween to dress up like Martin Luther and terrify children by yelling "REPENT!" at them. But that would probably be too much fun for one night.


Back to standards. I think standards are a good thing. We have chosen to live on the fringe of society, but hopefully in the center of God’s will. Not because we are holier than thou or really pretty (although sometimes I can look amazing in a tux). It’s just that we’ve found our place for now and keep looking for the place to be. My friends who have no television in their home and only read the Holy Bible or listen to orchestral renditions of "Amazing Grace" make me feel guilty. I know I could be like that, but I’m just not that mature yet. I am still finding victory when I turn off the movie after I’ve heard "too much cursing." I’m still trying to determine if too much cursing is two or twenty vulgar references. This is where my guilt-inducing friends would say, "One swear word is too much". I know that, I was just kidding. One swear word is too much.


Is a dotted line still a line?


Don’t get all condemning thinking that I don’t have high standards. I have very high standards now and then. Before you look down your nose at me, don’t forget that I know most of you and I know that if I say, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of …" you can probably finish the line. So don’t get all uppity with me.


Should I stop getting a Christmas tree? I totally understand its pagan origins, but there is something endearing about that little angel we pop on top of our pagan pine every year.


We home school and force our kids to go through a ridiculous courting ritual if they think they have found that special someone. We also don’t let our children post their phone numbers and home address on the internet with messages about being single and looking for a good time. I know they just mean they are looking for friends to play a mean game of Monopoly with them, but excuse me if I’m too strict, I have some concerns here.


Do we make people feel guilty because we have outrageous standards? I hope so. It makes me feel better about all those goody-two-shoes who make me look like a moral midget. Although, I do like listening to teachings that stretch me beyond my comfort zone. It’s encouraging to know that I have so much room to grow.


Hey, I will not judge the Christian sister who watches Oprah, the queen of the new pantheism, nor will I look down upon the Christian brother who belts out "I’ve Got Friends In Low Places" with Garth Brooks in the safety of his car. So, don’t judge me if I watch "American Idol" or "Dancing with the Stars". But you can judge me if I watch Jerry Springer. Actually, if you find out I’m watching Jerry Springer, just kill me now.


Did you know some churches don’t allow singing? Did you know some churches don’t allow musical instruments? Did you know some churches don’t have any fun?


Ok, that’s a different ramble for another time.


Elvis was a professing Christian who sang gospel songs at his concerts between his renditions of "Love Me Tender" and "Jailhouse Rock". He died from a drug overdose and I just read that his daughter, Lisa Marie, went to a psychic and made contact with him. She said it was overwhelming and comforting. I’m not sure what this has to do with anything, but I think there is something about conflicting standards in there someplace.


I think the only thing to feel guilty about regarding Thanksgiving is gluttony. We thank the Lord for his abundance and then we abundantly gorge ourselves. I’m starting to feel guilty about that, but not enough to stop eating. Maybe if we started carving turkeys like jack-o-lanterns it would be easier to see the evil in it.


Speaking of standards, I have a 22-year-old daughter. Should I let her drive a car? Automobiles are very dangerous and I’m not sure if she can handle it. I have an Amish friend who says "NO!"


I did draw a line in the sand when the youth pastor in our old church wanted to have an overnight Halloween party in the church basement. They were going to watch horror movies like "Children of the Corn". When I asked him how he could possibly do such a thing he said that I was being too strict and that if I didn’t let my kids have some fun they would grow up to resent me and rebel against my tyrannical ways. He was right that they resent me and rebel against me, but I think it has more to do with my not letting them out of the cellar until noon.


Where was I? Oh, yes. Back to Halloween. I hope you had a great Halloween or Happy Harvest Day or Happy Saint Hugo Day or whatever you call it in your family. We had fun watching an old Martin and Lewis comedy while we wondered why nobody comes to our door anymore seeking free candy. May your days be filled with the joy of knowing that the standards you set for you and yours are pleasing to God, even if they are not the same standards as other believers.


Don’t get me wrong. We should all strive for the highest standard, but in reality most of us really never meet it or even try that hard. I just want to make sure that I do what the Holy Spirit convicts me to do. I want to be sensitive to His leading. You know that question, "Would you be watching this movie if Jesus were sitting here with you?" I think that is a trick question to some degree, because I wouldn’t even be reading my Bible if Jesus were sitting here with me. I’d be worshipping Him and rejoicing in His very real presence. I certainly wouldn’t say, "Lord, would you like to watch ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ with me?" Even though it is my favorite movie and very wholesome.


Bottom line: Don’t get comfortable with your standards. Look to friends who have standards that are uplifting and don’t seem too suppressive. One of the greatest paradoxes of the Christian walk is that through our submission we find freedom. It’s really not that hard to use the same principle when setting standards for you and your family.


And don’t do drugs, unless, they are prescribed by a doctor. Then that is ok.

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