The Hole Discussion

A discussion between Pat, Matt and Rutherford

Pat: Good day, Matt!

Matt: Same to you, Pat!

Pat: Where’s Rutherford?

Matt: He’s still in the hole.

Pat: Hope he gets out soon.

Matt: I don’t think so. He’s way down there.

Pat: He must be getting lonely.

Matt: Yep, he’s been down there for a couple of years now.

Pat: Maybe we should visit him.

Matt: Why not? He’s right over there behind the tree.

Pat: Do you think he’d mind the company?

Matt: I’m sure he would love to chat.

Pat and Matt walk over to the tree and look down into a large deep hole in the ground.

Pat: Hey, Rutherford, it’s Pat and Matt. Are you down there?

Rutherford: Help! I’ve fallen in a hole.

Matt: How are you doing?

Rutherford: Please get me a rope!

Pat: It looks kind of dark down there.

Rutherford: Of course it’s dark. Please get some help.

Matt: Are you comfortable?

Rutherford: No. Help me out of this hole.

Pat: It doesn’t sound like Rutherford enjoys being down there.

Matt: Well, he’s the one who fell in the hole.

Pat: Yep, it’s not like someone pushed him in.

Rutherford: Guys! Please help me out of here! I’ve been down here for a very long time.

Matt: About two years isn’t it Rutherford?

Rutherford: I’ve lost track of time.

Pat: Still eating roots and grubs down there?

Rutherford: What else is there?

Matt: Well, you could try ordering a pizza.

Rutherford: I don’t have a phone. Help!

Pat: I think Rutherford wants us to bring him a pizza.

Matt: Yes, after two years I’d be tired of roots also.

Rutherford: Will you run to my house and tell my Mom and Dad that I’m down here?

Pat: We did. They want to know if you need a blanket.

Matt: Your Dad said your room needs straightening.

Rutherford: How can I straighten my room when I’m in this hole.

Pat: Hey, man, don’t drag us into it. Take it up with your Dad!

Matt: No kidding! We come to visit you and you want us to get in a fight with your father.

Rutherford: Is there a rope up there?

Pat: Sure. There’s a big one right here by the tree.

Rutherford: Please lower it into the hole.

Matt: But it’s tied to one of the limbs of the tree.

Rutherford: Then untie it.

Pat: But the other end is tied to the tire swing.

Rutherford: So what!?! Untie it and help me out of this hole.

Matt: I swing on that tire.

Pat: So do I.

Matt: Pat, why would Rutherford fall in the hole and want out of the hole?

Pat: Beats me. He can’t seem to make up his mind. Should we ask him?

Matt: Okay.

Pat: Hey, Rutherford, why did you fall in the hole if you want out of the hole?

Rutherford: I didn’t fall in the hole! Pat pushed me in the hole.

Matt: Pat, did you push Rutherford in the hole?

Pat: You expect me to remember what happened two years ago?

Matt: I guess not. That would be pretty hard.

Rutherford: Pat, you were swinging on the tire and swung into me, knocking me into the hole.

Pat: So, why don’t you just make me feel guilty.

Matt: You’re pretty rude, man. Pat and I came all the way across the yard to visit with you and all you can do is bring up junk that happened two years ago!

Pat: Yeah! Why did we even come over if you’re just going to complain and make us feel bad?

Rutherford: Please, just tell my Mom I need her to come to the hole.

Matt: I guess we could do that.

Pat: Why don’t you run over and tell Rutherford’s Mom he wants her.

Matt runs across the yard and knocks on the door of Rutherford’s home. His mother comes to the door and the two talk for a while. Matt returns to the hole.

Matt: Pat, do you want to have some pizza?

Pat: Sure.

Matt: Rutherford’s Mom is ordering some and said since she doesn’t have to feed Rutherford anymore there’s a little extra.

Rutherford: What?!? Did you tell my Mom I need her?

Matt: Of course I did.

Pat: Man, he must think you are really irresponsible.

Matt: He asks me to do something. I do it and all he does is challenge my integrity.

Pat: Let’s just go back and play in Rutherford’s sandbox.

Rutherford: What did my Mom say?!

Matt: She said she was on the phone and couldn’t come right now.

Rutherford: What is possibly more important than helping her own son?

Matt: She was ordering pizza.

Rutherford: You’ve got to be joking!

Matt: It’s true. Would you like for me to tell you a joke?

Rutherford: No! I want out of this hole.

Pat: I’d like for you to tell me a joke.

Matt: Okay. What do you get when a boy falls in a hole?

Pat: I give up.

Matt: A holy boy.

Rutherford: That’s not funny. Get me out of here.

Pat: Oh, now he’s ordering us around like we’re his slave or something.

Rutherford: Get me out of here right now!

Matt: Whoa! Now that’s really out of line.

Pat: Let’s see if Rutherford’s Mom will let us play with his cars while we eat the pizza.

Matt: Hey, Rutherford, can we play with your cars?

Rutherford: Please help me out of this hole.

Pat: Why do you want out of the hole?

Rutherford: It’s cold and dark. I’m hungry. It’s dirty and worms crawl on me when I try to sleep.

Matt: Well, welcome to the real world!

Pat: Hey, Rutherford can we play with your cars?

Rutherford: NO!

Matt: Fine. Be selfish.

Rutherford: I’ll tell you what. If you help me out of this hole I’ll share my cars with you.

Pat: If we help him out we can play with his cars.

Matt: Okay.

Matt and Pat take down the rope from the swing and lower it into the hole. Rutherford climbs out of the hole.

Rutherford: I hate you guys! I’ve been down there for two years and you guys have done absolutely nothing to help me. Only when I agree to let you play with my cars do you help me. Get out of my yard. I don’t want to ever see you guys again.

Pat pushes Rutherford back in the hole.

Pat: I hope that didn’t hurt.

Matt: As long as he didn’t fall on his head, he should be okay.

Pat: Can we play with your cars?